Feelin like Switzerland!

Ahoy! I decided that I should do a blog post BUT it turns out after days of me being frustrated at everyone in my path and a tension filled house I am now completely just at peace and kind of want to sleep - BUT I swore that I would use this blog to record things even if they are tiresome and mundane so...

I finally finished reading The Swan Thieves, and it was really good. It took me forever but I think that's just because the pace of the book was generally slow. I didn't have very high hopes for it because I really disliked Kostova's The Historian but this book was different. Though it was as contrived as her first book I just really enjoyed the story and the characters and the way the whole mystery unfolded. I definitely also had the urge to figure out if the historical figures in the novel are real (they're not) and if basically I could cross reference it in any way against history (doable). I think Kostova did a much better job of not making the story too academic which is what I think was the main flaw of The Historian. Reviewers however disagree and fault her prose and her characterization but I'm very forgiving of those kinds of flaws in text so I guess I didn't notice.

I have not found out about Mandarin classes yet. I know! And I haven't called Sra or emailed my old Malay teacher or other people... I'm putting it off. I don't know why. Sometimes I think I just feel like God, It's going to be so awkward I don't want to do this, so I just FORGET even though I wouldn't usually. My subconscious is totally helping myself sabotage myself. Bad Dini. But I must get in touch with people soon so that I don't end up a spinster with 10 cats. I wouldn't mind a cat though.

Man, I really don't have much to say! This is bad. I really want to do a huge blog post on all the make-up I want to buy and my favorite make-up bloggers but I'm way too sleepy. I know that I need to go to bed.

Oh and today I ate lunch with my mum today so I'm not a COMPLETE loser.

I really wish I had it in me to do a huge blog post right now...

BUT I CAN'T. I'm just too bloody sleepy. I had this whole plan about how I wanted to write about how I'm so much better, list all the make-up I'm dying to buy, maybe even do a review on the one Lancome Juicy Tube I do own and even write a bit about how there's some serious drama, like always, going on at home.

But really all I want to do is get ready for bed and read more of The Swan Thieves. And the sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Operation: Turn My Frown Upside Down

It has been a tough couple of days. I know that in my last post, or wait, last, last post I touched on how I feel like my life is passing me by, I have no friends, basically that my life sucks. And then I resolved that I would find a way to break out of my rut.

Which I did. Well kind of.

First, I felt really sorry for myself. Became borderline depressed. Was not able to retain a smile on my face at work which is really unacceptable for me. And then my lunch partner, who I honestly am really sick of, wanted to stop having lunch with me, probably because I've been kind of passive aggressive to her and just disinterested, which made me a bit lonely and sad because now I have NO ONE to eat with. Which is mildly depressing when lunch is usually the bit you're supposed to look forward to at work. But no, I look forward to the work.

And then I thought about how I basically haven't done anything much in life, despite being relatively smart. That I'm not really living up to my potential. And that I honestly feel like I'm just sad and lonely.

I managed to snap myself out of that funk though and really thought about it and figured out that the best way to get over it is to actually do something and to get busy. So here was the plan:

1. Get back in touch with people from WAO, do some volunteer work on the weekend
2. Join a salsa class
3. Look up potential dream companies/careers with L'oreal, etc.
4. Plan a vacation
5. Work out everyday
6. Do Back exercises everyday
7. Actually DO work at work instead of Googling or reading Beauty Blogs
8. Try to find a new lunch partner/be brave about eating alone

I did brilliantly yesterday. I e-mailed WAO people, sent my Masters recommendations off, DID work at work, was ok about eating alone.

Today was an EPIC fail. No one emailed me back. I realized I can't do salsa because my back still isn't up to it. Got irritated at my Dad because he wants to stay in an apartment in Singapore instead of a hotel. Did not work out. Was not great at work. Still have no lunch partner. Had to eat alone hunched over a novel.

And mostly I'm just very angry and very frustrated. Frustrated that I just can't seem to get out of this. Frustrated that I can't seem to make friends. Frustrated that I am not getting enough out of my job. And I'm mostly just angry that I'm frustrated and angry at everything. I just can't seem to be happy anymore and I don't know why.

I don't want to be difficult with my parents, I want to be good at work, I want to be nice and peaceable and lovely to be around.

Maybe it's just my way of telling myself that I've taken it easy for too long and that something needs to be done. I just need to find a way to be at peace with myself while I get there.

Which is why I'm writing this now. Diane von Furstenberg once said that, if you keep a diary, it will keep you." And I'm hoping to God that this keeps me because I feel like I'm going insane and that no one is helping because they can't and also because I don't want them to.

It's funny, the first year of my blog I literally could not put anything personal down. Now that it's been a year I'm pouring out my actual emotions. It mirrors the way I am with people. Very friendly, cheery and carefree initially and then later, the real messy, moody me comes out.

I better go. I think I am feeling better. Like the word vomit on this webpage is enough to stave off the madness. I hope so anyway.

I have a stalker. Repeat. Have a stalker.

ok so I really don't. BUT remember how I said there was this dude yesterday who accidentally called me but was looking for his friend and then I messaged him and was like "Who you?" and he was like, "I'm Jim, I'm looking for Bob." And I explained that I am not Bob and that he should have a good night. He disbelieved and asked me who I was and if I was Bob but was kidding him. No no, I ensured him, I was not in fact Bob, I was me. At which point he became interested because ACTUALLY his name is not Bob it's ACTUALLY something incredibly South Indian and incidentally, so is mine.

So then he asked me about myself, like what I do, whether I was single, how old I was. He is, and I quote, "29 years young and a bachelor."

Right.

And now you're asking why I didn't just like shut him down two seconds into his eager texting. Because I'm bored and desperate DAMMIT. A very dangerous combination of things to be. And also because I harbored a secret fantasy that maybe his overzealous texting was actually just a sign that he was old fashioned pursuer type man and than maybe he's very handsome and a bit like Surya. Yes, the dreamer in me has never quite died.

And so yesterday when I told him that I had to go to bed and that he should add me on Facebook if he wanted to keep talking to me, I had two aims: 1. To make him stop talking to me and/or 2. To see if he was fine.

So today I checked my e-mail. No Facebook friend requests. Which means that he's not interested right? So fine I was resigned, a little sad with my shoulda, coulda, wouldas. Then at friggin 5 o'clock I get a phone call from some unknown number. Again I text the number being like, "who iz this?!" and it's the dude - AGAIN. And he's like oh I just want to say hi, happy new year, whatever and then he calls AGAIN. And I text back being like dude, I don't feel comfortable talking to you. I don't know you. So he's like "ok! no problem! I'll add you on Facebook!"

So it's all becoming a little less cute and a little more creepy. Or at least too much.

And btw I have checked his Facebook, because I mean who wouldn't and like, he's alright? I guess? Like he's sort of this chubby, friendly looking dude and I can't really get into that because it's like you can't really unless you've been friends with the person for ages and then one day wake up and realize he's the love of your life. Which is rich coming from me because I'm like a chubby, friendly looking chick but I can't help how I feel! I really hope that my love life isn't doomed because of my insistence on only being attracted to good looking men who are probably out of my league. I fear that this is going to end badly.

The thing about blogging...

is that every once in a while you can get a FANTASTIC idea for a post that you just know would really capture the essence of you OR is something you know that you have to share with the world OR is something that might actually interest your readers/the world (one would hope). And then you go and do about 80 million other things, go to sleep and then the next day at around 10:30pm right before you go to sleep you decide to do your blog post.

Ahem.

As you can imagine, this isn't working out so well for me right now. I'm a wee bit tired and all my amazing ideas I imagined yesterday are gone. So why didn't I just do it yesterday? Plain laziness. And now this blog post, much like my others is just going to be an exercise in being trite.

So I'm going to try and maybe type down some of these actual important thoughts I was having. It's important because well, blogging is a form of diary-keeping, as I was advised in Camilla Morton's A Year in High Heels. And since I think that book is brilliant and I'm trying to live my life by adhering to its rules of fabulosity ala Kimora Lee Simmons, I've decided that I must try to inject some actual emotion and realness into my blog.

The first thing is that recently I've been feeling like my life has been passing me by. I'm sure it was prompted by the fact that I was at home for two whole weeks which wasn't too hot. Now that I'm back at work I've realized that although I love my colleagues and the environment, the job itself is too administrative and that I need more of a challenge. Hence the masters plan. But then there's also the fact that I just don't get out that much. I have 3 friends in this country and we hardly ever hang out. It's also not that level of friendship where you share everything, like all your fears, your family problems, all the crazy messed up insecurities in your mind. And I think the absence of that kind of friendship, here in the same country as me, means that there's a bit of a void in my life. But then on the other hand my family is here which I obviously didn't have at McGill which created a whole bunch of other issues which only Gilda, the wonder therapist, could help me deal with.

BTW I'm listening to Luda's Battle of the Sexes, it's not bad, kind of bangin'.

And then there's the whole I don't have a boyfriend thing. At this point it's becoming a bit of a tick-tock issue because there doesn't seem to be a solution in sight. Because my parents don't know people, my brothers don't know people they could potentially introduce me to and my friends... what friends?! So as you can imagine the situation is just DIRE. Which is freaking me out on so many levels. It's one thing to pretend being ok with being single for the rest of your life and then a whole other thing to ACTUALLY be single.

Like right now I'm feeling so AHHHHHHHH about the whole situation that I'm actually messaging some random person who accidentally messaged me because he thought I was his friend. And just because I happen to be Indian and he's Indian we're not in the midst of a texting conversation. I know! I'm going to tell him to go away in about two seconds.

But you see?! What I've been reduced to?

I also feel like this intense in my bones boredom that has pervaded my entire being. Probably because everyday I go to work, watch a bit of tv, read a bit of a book and sleep. On weekends I do the same exact thing, without the work bit.

See. Dire.

A plan must be set in motion to break me out of this rut. But what? I'll figure it out. (my new catchphrase btw)

Update. I just told my messager that I think he might be a serial killer. At least I know how to have fun. Hee hee.

Le Weekend

Passed by quick enough... THANK GOD. Actually it wasn't that bad. Yesterday started off bad - brothers in a bad mood, mum overloaded with work as usual. But then after we went out for lunch at the Coconut Flower Seafood Restaurant in Klang, everyone kind of got a little better. And dinner at home with cake from RT, the best bakery ever, and Cadbury's Creamy Vanilla ice-cream was surprisingly fun. I think my family works best when there are other people in the mix. Ie. Friends, extended family, etc.

Oh yeah, and I wanted to say I think that one of the dudes that I was set up with, by that set-up thing since I'm incompetent at finding a man, was totally at the restaurant. Thankfully I completely didn't acknowledge him or tell anyone about it so it didn't become a thing.

Other than that I watched a bit of Top Model today and watched trailers on Apple. I really want to watch The Kids Are All Right and I was completely repulsed/slightly morbidly interested in The Human Centipede. But I doubt I'm going to watch that shit. And when I mean shit...

I think I'm also going to start doing make-up reviews on this blog, not that that's really the point of this blog but more like because I want to and I also think sometimes when a person is looking for reviews of a product and they search for it and its not on their fav beauty blogs then I could fill that niche. Maybe. Probably not.

Got it!

So today I completely caved and bought the Bobbi Brown blush in Nectar. It was like RM85 which was kinda ok except I thought it was RM70 but then that's actually the price for eyeshadow so ANYWAY I feel a bit poor now but what are you going to do? It is so gorgeous and so pink and so different from my other shade which is Almond. And I'm so happy because now I can wear this and be all like happy! and sassy! and girly! So I'm really pleased.

I've also been back to work for about 3 days now. I'm super tired by the end of the day but I guess I'll get used to it soon. It's just a matter of getting back into the routine.

Also my brother's birthday is tomorrow, we're celebrating by doing lunch outside and a family dinner with cake. I'm a little afraid that it's going to be disastrous because often times when we all get together it just isn't pretty. But then maybe I should expect it to go well because if I do then maybe it just will. Like if you expect the worse then you get the worse so if you expect the best out of people they will be their best. Kind of like the smile and the whole world will smile with you concept.

Chickenpox Quarantine: Day 12 & 13

Again I FAILED at documenting the past two days of quarantine, Monday and Tuesday. I guess since it was my last two days of being quarantined, I pretty much lost all my resolve and had to stop doing it.

I have to tell you what I did was THRILLING. It consisted of re-reading a damn book, watching some damn movie and some other TV shows.

So for the past two days I (in no particular order):

1. Watched Coco Before Chanel/Coco Avant Chanel. I really enjoyed it. Sometimes I think that Audrey Tautou just kind of plays this character that we expect of her, this Amelie-esque person but in this she was lovely. And her eyes were just haunting which was really what they tried to convey so it worked. It was kind of an indulgent movie given that is it about Chanel but then again I suppose it's like I couldn't expect any less of a movie about her.


2. I started watching the latest season of America's Next Top Model and it is FIERCE! I'm really behind this girl, Raina, because she is old school Brooke Shield's stunning.

3. Bought my brother a t-shirt for his birthday. Also bought myself some underwear and picked up my new contacts. My power keeps going up and up.

Man I did not do much over the last couple of days. I guess I just ran out of steam.

Anyway I'm actually back to work and I couldn't be more happy - I love silly students asking me silly questions they're so lovely. I will try to post and be more regular about that but for now - buh-BYE!

Today was supposed to be the LAST day...

that I was in chickenpox quarantine. BUT IT'S NOT.I'm at home. Still.

This is because one of my colleagues is preggers and hasn't had the chickenpox so she can't take the vaccine and so she could get the chickenpox which would be kind of really bad for her yet to be born child. So my boss suggested I take two more days off and my doctor was cool with it, so I went out the doc's door with 2 more days of sick leave.

I got really pissed off before going to Starbucks ordering an Iced Full Leaf Tea Latte and a cookie (Which tasted like ass btw, seriously when Starbucks people make their drinks wrong it is so wrong, plus the cookie was borderline stale but I was feeling sorry for myself so I ate the whole damn thing. I know, I have only myself to blame), then sitting in a corner while waiting for my mom to be done so I could go home.

But then I realized that basically I shouldn't be that pissed off because I mean come on, it's just like one more day at home.

BTW during my time I'm home I've become crazy obsessed with make-up. Right now the biggest debate in my mind is whether or not I should buy a Bobbi Brown Nectar blush or some shade of the other of a Dior Addict Ultra Gloss. I'm leaning towards the Dior. Right now I'm scrolling like a crazed woman through the Temptalia blog, looking for potential lipglosses that I should buy. It's like I'm a woman possessed and all I can think about is make-up I should buy or what's the ULTIMATE lipgloss or what would be a "good investment." Which is all bullshit because it's completely insane since all the stuff is super expensive and the best investment would be for me not to buy any of this shit. But I just CAN'T.

So I leave you with an image of something that I literally woke up saying on my lips...



...say it with me now - Dior baby Diorrrrrr

Chickenpox Quarantine: Day 11

So I'm going to do this real quick, again I forgot to post yesterday - oh wellers!

Yesterday I:

1. Partly watched the F1 race with my brother but then we kind of fought and so instead I cleaned. Yes. I know.

2. Hung out with my mom a lot, did her toenails and helped pluck her brows. She's been doing a lot lately so I guess it's my way of helping out.

3. Watched the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries, one of my favorite shows of the moment. I just love how on all shows on CW it's like there are a bunch of teenagers running around with no adult supervision and basically leading adult lives. But they still go to high school. Hmmm that makes me think of One Tree Hill. Maybe I should go watch it. Then again, it's probably the worst show on TV right now. Then again, maybe not.

4. I started re-reading The Door in the Hedge for the eight millionth time.

Chickenpox Quarantine: Day 10

Again, could not bring myself to do my blog post last night. Good thing that today should officially be my last day in quarantine. So what did I do yesterday...

1. Started scrapbooking, but then I realized that I needed a couple of things before I could go there and also that I have like two rolls of film from my time at McGill that I haven't developed. So I'm going to take those in to get developed. I have no idea what I'm going to find on there. Hopefully no stumbling drunk pictures. Then again I doubt it, I was never a very enthusiastic picture taker.

2. I watched Did You Hear About the Morgans. It was so meh I can't even justify any sort of review so I wont.

3. Did some typing work for my mom.

4. Watched some random TV, I honestly can't even remember what was on.

5. Watched the first episode/installment of The Pacific. It was fairly compelling only HBO in Malaysia censors everything which includes the swearing and violence which really ended up taking away from the effectiveness of the miniseries. I couldn't get much out of the first hour, I think I'll watch the rest later.

Chickenpox Quarantine: Day 9

Today was ok, slow again, I think that I'll try to have a burst of activity tomorrow and the day after but today I just couldn't seem to face doing much. I pretty much...

1. Googled make-up blogs and celeb gossip websites.

2. Started re-reading The Blue Sword, my favorite book of all time. I first read it when I was twelve and at SFS. I love it still.

3. I watched Brothers, which was only so-so. I was saying to my mother that I feel like movies have lost their ability to connect with people because they're just not trying to anymore. They're just sort of formulaic and just don't seem to elicit any visceral response. Which is what I thought of Brothers. It could have been really good but it was just kind of flat.

4. Just watched A Perfect Getaway with my brother. It was really fun, very far fetched but just good old fashioned mindless fun.

So hopefully tomorrow I'll actually DO something :)

Chickenpox Quarantine: Day 8

So again, I did not get this post done on the day but instead the day after. I jut haven't been sleeping that well so I kind of just thought if I went to sleep like at 10, 10:30 I would be able to get a good night's sleep. Not so. I woke up every hour to pee even though I hadn't actually drunk that much water. As a result I'm out of it and mildly cranky and just feeling sorry for myself... good stuff, I know... :)

So yesterday I:

1. Read the last Traveling Pants book, Forever in Blue: The Fourth Summer of the Sisterhood. I'm really glad I don't have to read them anymore, I think I've just gotten so sick of reading them simply because I HAD TO finish them. Which led to me kind of speeding through the last book. Maybe next time I'll read it first. Or not all at once or whatever.

2. I watched Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself which was, I'm sad to say, TERRIBLE. It was so bad. And I'm a really forgiving movie critic. Taraji P. Henson was undoubtedly very good given how wooden and predictable the script was. And although the story was standard Tyler Perry fare, I really felt like it was no excuse for how disjointed the editing was and basically how one scene just didn't flow to another. There were such huge gaps in the story telling that it really detracted from the whole movie. Adam Rodriguez looked smokin' hot but as an actor he is very limited and did nothing much to save the movie. Overall it was pretty bad, but I guess watchable if you do so without thinking about it too much.



3. Did some objective marking for my mum's class.

4. Wrote recommendation letters for my bosses so that they can change it for me. It's for grad school, I'm applying to do a Masters in Marketing which should be interesting...

5. Found out that I am now 55 kgs! I've lost 2 kgs so far! I can buy make-up! Woooooooo!!!!!