I'm 24!!!

I turned 24 on the 5th of August (AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it turned out to be one of the best days I've had in a long time.

Recently, as evidenced by my blog posts, I've been majorly angsty because I basically I HAVE NO IDEA what the hell I want to do in life. As in my career. So I talked to my old boss and the new boss and the parents and and and... it just got messy, in my head. Should I be a teacher? Should I do corporate comm? Should I write? Should I do HR? And everything is just as valid an option as the other.

But RJ, the boss put some things into perspective, about adapting my expectations. The new boss says that I am logical and that I need a degree of freedom in my work. And then there's me who knows I can't do 18 hour days and who knows that I need a certain amount of money to function happily in life. There's the fact that I like glamor and recognition but also need a somewhat balanced life. Also I must get past the fact that I have a certain ahem, problem, with authority.

Anyway after much soul searching and sleepless nights I've decided to apply to do a Masters in Mass Communications at Nanyang Technological University which would start next August. In the meantime I'm going to explore freelance writing and keep my eyes peeled for corp comm jobs in multinationals. And I'm going to chill, go with the flow and also try not be so in my head all the bloody time.

Wait - back to my birthday. I was feeling super sorry for myself the day before my birthday because I thought no one would give a shit and that I wouldn't get any presents or whatever. Anyway it turns out basically everyone remembered, thanks in part to Facebook, and I got like wish after wish after wish on Facebook and in person. One of the lecturers bought me my favorite Starbucks beverage, a Caramel Macchiato, and the parents came through which money (hee!) and a delicious dinner at Delicious. We had salad, pesto spaghettini with grilled chicken and banoffee pie and banana pudding with vanilla ice cream for dessert. It was amazing. Also Katie totally called while I was at dinner and Cilla remembered to email despite having to work for 13 and a half hours on the day.

So that entire day I just felt completely suffused with love. It was just lovely. I really just want to thank my family, friends, colleagues and God for making it a fantastic day. Here's to 24! May I be less confused and more thankful!

Hey-Hey-HEEYYYY

So I know it's been awhile since I have written ANYTHING for this blog. And I actually have a good reason. A few good reasons actually. Last weekend on my way home from The Curve my car got hit my a motorcycle which fled the scene(!), the next day I had to go to the police station and make the report in my super rudimentary Malay, the day after I had to pick up my police report and the day after that I realized I was having a crisis over what I want in my life/job/career/etc.

So. Not that much time to blog in the meantime. But I'm back now!

So basically last weekend I went to The Curve with Ching Wen and Lae to celebrate Ching Wen's birthday. It was fabulously fun, we ate at this German place with good beer and sausages. We also watched The Prince of Persia, which I personally thought was awesome. I know that the critics have been ravaging it but seriously what's not to like? Crazy action sequences? Check. Bad boy hero with a heart of gold? Check. Dirty hot heroine? Check and check. So really it was all good.

My police report was really just an ordeal. I had to go to Petaling Jaya to make the police report and I had to write it Malay which was mad hard. Thankfully the sergeant who interviewed me was this woman who was kind of awesome and my interview evolved into this conversation about cross dressing. All in Malay. Hyeah!

Speaking of Malay... there's this song by Mizz Nina and Colby O'Donis which has pretty much been in my head for the past two weeks. It's super catchy BUT it does maybe have one of the stupidest videos I've ever seen. Judge it for yourself:



What is with the flashlights?!!

I spent most of today cleaning, ordering awesome awesome stuff from Amazon, EBAY and Nordstrom to send to my uncle's place in Alabama so that it's super convenient when we get there. I'll do a detailed post when I get back with all my goodies.

I've also been spending a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to do in life. Right now my job is kind of an in between. In between what I want to do and where I want to be. I'm supposed to be doing a part time Masters this July onwards but now I'm thinking maybe I should do a full time MBA in Singapore or maybe I should reassess what I need/want/should do entirely. I'm just not sure. Hence my crisis.

Anyway I better sleep now since I do have work tomorrow. I swear I will be doing a make-up review soon - so watch out for it!

The Good, The Bad and The Unnecessary

The Good
- Going out with some lovely people from work whom I've never hung out with before.
- Watching Iron Man 2 with them.
- Robert Downey Jr.
- Scarlett Johannson's body
- Gwyneth Paltrow's body
- Actually having a life for once

The Bad
- Our dinner at Station Kopitiam. Super spicy and super tasteless.
- How sleepy I'm feeling right now.
- The mashed up plot of Iron Man 2.

The Unnecessary
- The teenager in the same aisle's constant commentary on the movie to her friend. And the fact that she sometimes talked to the screen. What she really needed was to realize that first of all, the theater is not her living room, and that secondly, we could all hear her too clearly. And she also just needed someone coughmecough to break her face. But since that would have... consequences so I guess not.
- Me going over the entire evening in my head,hoping that I didn't say anything that would make them hate me...

Which segues nicely into - what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I have a conversation with a person without second guessing whether I did it right? Right now I'm wondering if I dominated the conversation too much? Was my going on about Robert Downey too much? Should I not have mentioned the word poop? I just don't know. But mostly I know that I should just be myself, which I was, and let everyone just think what they need to think because ultimately that's the only way that I can be ok with myself and this world.

Maybe I'm just sleepy. And maybe it's just that Kinder Bueno I ate. Man, tomorrow is going to be a long day.

The weekend weekend weekend...

This weekend has been good, like really good. And full of things I don't usually do. Like watching movies. Going to the temple. Eat some chocolate. You know things that people normally do.

Anyway yesterday I went to Pavilion with Ching Wen, Laetitia and Yati. We ate some heinously bad food at Wong Kok Char Chan Teng. It's basically fashioned as this semi hip hangout for young (Chinese) kids to eat Hong Kong style street food. All of us ordered like hot plate meals and the meat was horribly tough and the sauce was also very subpar. The drinks were good though. So our conclusion? Eat noodles when in a Hong Kong style eatery. And actual street food type dishes.

I went to MANGO and also picked up this super cute sweater. Will post picture below:


Ching Wen picked it out. I'm convinced that boys are good at shopping for women's clothes because they tend to gravitate towards the simplest thing. Also because they kind of don't care at all they tend to be a bit objective.


Then we watched Robin Hood. Which was bad. Seriously. Basically here's what was wrong.

1. It was not Gladiator
2. The dialogue
3. The editing
4. It was not Gladiator
5. Too many characters
6. Very bad scene flow
7. Very overdone story with Robin Longstride's father
8. It was not Gladiator

It had some things going for it though. And that thing was Russell Crowe.

I mean seriously that man could not get more charismatic if he tried. Also he's TOTALLY not a fatty anymore, he is buff and looking good.

But the thing is I just felt that the whole movie was just not what it could have been. Obviously I had to compare it with Gladiator because hell it's the same lead and the same director. The verdict? The casting was fantastic, the set and costumes were amazing and even the premise was fine. But the whole story was just so hokey and the editing almost felt so rushed and just bad.

What's happening to movies nowadays? Why can't they live up to the movies of the past, or even recent past like Gladiator? Like A Beautiful Mind? Like even Independence Day? Movies just don't have that quality and just feel unfinished nowadays. It makes me sad and afraid because one of the best things about our society is movies and storytelling and now that its become such crap, what do we have left? Global warming, wars and consumerism? I don't even know.

Anyway that's me on my soapbox.

Apart from that I ate THE BEST chocolate croissant from The Loaf (it has custard in it1) and then went home.

Today my mum and I actually went to the Geeta Ashram in PJ. The Geeta Ashram is basically this center, almost like a temple for devotees of people who follow this Guru who propagates the reading of the Geeta, our holy book, as basically the best way to live life/be Hindus, etc. We went there because basically it's getting to a point where my family is just so insular that we need more connections in life. My mum is North Indian and I think she's just so disconnected from that here that its important for us to reach out. Anyway it was actually really nice. The people were really nice and while I didn't really understand all of the sermon what really resonated with me was their argument that how can someone be spiritual without having any knowledge of the scriptures? And also how can you be devoted without understanding pedagogy. So that really got to me. I think we're planning on going back next week which is cool.

Nothing else really for the rest of today, I just handwashed a ton of my clothes and now I'm writing this. I'm going to go workout and get things sorted for next week - It should be CRAZY BUSY because its the first week of classes!

Operation: Turn My Frown Upside Down

It has been a tough couple of days. I know that in my last post, or wait, last, last post I touched on how I feel like my life is passing me by, I have no friends, basically that my life sucks. And then I resolved that I would find a way to break out of my rut.

Which I did. Well kind of.

First, I felt really sorry for myself. Became borderline depressed. Was not able to retain a smile on my face at work which is really unacceptable for me. And then my lunch partner, who I honestly am really sick of, wanted to stop having lunch with me, probably because I've been kind of passive aggressive to her and just disinterested, which made me a bit lonely and sad because now I have NO ONE to eat with. Which is mildly depressing when lunch is usually the bit you're supposed to look forward to at work. But no, I look forward to the work.

And then I thought about how I basically haven't done anything much in life, despite being relatively smart. That I'm not really living up to my potential. And that I honestly feel like I'm just sad and lonely.

I managed to snap myself out of that funk though and really thought about it and figured out that the best way to get over it is to actually do something and to get busy. So here was the plan:

1. Get back in touch with people from WAO, do some volunteer work on the weekend
2. Join a salsa class
3. Look up potential dream companies/careers with L'oreal, etc.
4. Plan a vacation
5. Work out everyday
6. Do Back exercises everyday
7. Actually DO work at work instead of Googling or reading Beauty Blogs
8. Try to find a new lunch partner/be brave about eating alone

I did brilliantly yesterday. I e-mailed WAO people, sent my Masters recommendations off, DID work at work, was ok about eating alone.

Today was an EPIC fail. No one emailed me back. I realized I can't do salsa because my back still isn't up to it. Got irritated at my Dad because he wants to stay in an apartment in Singapore instead of a hotel. Did not work out. Was not great at work. Still have no lunch partner. Had to eat alone hunched over a novel.

And mostly I'm just very angry and very frustrated. Frustrated that I just can't seem to get out of this. Frustrated that I can't seem to make friends. Frustrated that I am not getting enough out of my job. And I'm mostly just angry that I'm frustrated and angry at everything. I just can't seem to be happy anymore and I don't know why.

I don't want to be difficult with my parents, I want to be good at work, I want to be nice and peaceable and lovely to be around.

Maybe it's just my way of telling myself that I've taken it easy for too long and that something needs to be done. I just need to find a way to be at peace with myself while I get there.

Which is why I'm writing this now. Diane von Furstenberg once said that, if you keep a diary, it will keep you." And I'm hoping to God that this keeps me because I feel like I'm going insane and that no one is helping because they can't and also because I don't want them to.

It's funny, the first year of my blog I literally could not put anything personal down. Now that it's been a year I'm pouring out my actual emotions. It mirrors the way I am with people. Very friendly, cheery and carefree initially and then later, the real messy, moody me comes out.

I better go. I think I am feeling better. Like the word vomit on this webpage is enough to stave off the madness. I hope so anyway.

Wuz goin on?!!

I haven't been updating properly about my life because A. I've been busy and B. I'm actually finding it a bit difficult to actually put interesting and potentially incriminating bits of my life up on the internet for the public's viewing pleasure. but then again what are the chances that anyone actually cares?

Anyway, it's Chinese New Year right now so basically the office is... dead. No one is here. Oh right before I forget Happy Chinese New Year!!


This past weekend, I spent Saturday catching up on doing nothing, Sunday meeting a boy for coffee in the morning and having Chinese New Year dinner with the family, on Monday meeting another boy for tea in the evening and on Tuesday watching Valentine's Day with my mom and going for a Chinese New Year party at night. So I'm guessing the whole - had beverages with a boy sentences - didn't escape you. Don't worry I didn't suddenly acquire a life by being really outgoing and asking out people/having people ask me out. Let's just say that there's an arrangement for me to meet different boys and I guess we have to see if we get along and then I suppose we are eventually supposed to get married, have kids and then grow to resent each other. In any case, if you want more details please just message me personally. Not on Facebook and not on my wall please. Because some of these boys might just be on my Facebook. So please, discretion is key.

So far it's been alright, stressful though. I guess that's expected since I'm not exactly the most laidback person on the planet.

On the first weekend of February I judged SEA Forensics at ISKL again. Duet and Solo again since they are basically the only things I feel fit to judge. It was fun. Really nice to see some acting onstage again. Of course it was inevitable that I had the whole, "You know... I really think that I was better than these kids during my time... not that I'm jealous or anything!", feeling. Which I suppose is probably explained by the fact that I am bloody jealous that I'm no longer the one acting up there and also because I'm bloody BETTER! Dammit.

Caught up with Laetitia and Ching Wen for lunch that day and I also bumped into Alycia an old, old friend from my SFS days. She's now a reporter at The Star so I guess I can add another person to my meager Malaysian friend roster.

That's about it I suppose. Ooh and I lost 1 kg!

ISKL... sniff sniff

Yesterday evening was ISKL's Alumni Reception which was held at the lovely library at the Ampang Campus. I had a really fun time, more fun than I've had in a long time.

A whole gang of us planned to meet there; me, Preetha (down from London), Ching Wen, Noah (with girlfriend Cat in tow) and Laetitia (she didn't end up coming for the reunion itself). Ching Wen, Preetha and I got there early and of course marveled at all the beautiful changes that have been made to the campus.

"WAH! Got waterfall all ah? What happened to the little shop?! Where's the panther our year gifted the school? Guess it was too UGLY to put up. Wah... so beautiful wan..."

We basically did our own little tour of campus and ended going to the library where the reception was being held. We met our lovely host, Ms. Mullen and Sahari and a WHOLE bunch of people from our 2004 year and a whole bunch more from other years. There were like 20 people from our year, not including us there was Parker, JP, Ian, Tim, Annie, Shakira, Harald... actually they're all I can remember... that's not much at all... it seemed like there were more of us. Maybe it was all the LOVE. The class of 2004 chatted and at one point Shakira was like, "Is it just me or is everyone just so much friendlier?" Preetha was a bit like, "They're the same!" and I pointed out that maybe we are also the same... and it's a good thing because I guess the beauty of the people in our year was that yes we had the popular, nerdy, theatery, whatevery groups and yet no one was really mean and we all seemed very easy with just sort of being in high school and going through life.

Yesterday I had that easy lovely feeling again and then when the few us adjourned to Coffee Bean (where else?) we had a ruckus post mortem about the reunion, coupled with belly aching laughter and just a really nice time reminiscing about everything. Preetha and I talked about how sort of painfully nostalgic we felt at the end of it. I still feel and fear that I met my soulmates at ISKL and it scares me that I will never have that easy feeling again for the rest of my life. It's just something that will be relived once a year when we do little reunions. It's sad but I guess it's also life.

So anyway, in that vein I just want to say hi to rest of the gang that wasn't there: Ali, Nick, Alex, Anas, Serena - WE MISSED YOU!