How to deal with being rude to someone

So the other day I snapped at a friend of mine - not a close friend - but still a member of my core friend group and basically told her that I would slap her face for something she said. It was done in a very aggressive manner and it was in response to me already being mad at her for something that I hadn't articulated as well as because I haven't been sleeping very well.

Needless to say she was completely taken aback and was a little quieter after that. In the days that have followed I have realized that she isn't talking to me and that she has been going out of her way to avoid group situations with me. I do now feel badly about the whole thing and figured that I would apologize and explain what had prompted my behavior. The thing is she as been avoiding me so that's a little hard.

I finally just caved and messaged her on Facebook to apologize and she signed off and didn't respond despite doing other stuff on it - so clearly she saw the message. The thing is my immediate response was "Damn her! I'm being the bigger person and apologizing - she should be fine with that!" But really it's completely up to her how she feels about it. If she really doesn't want to go on and be friends with me or if she just needs more time it's really her choice.

And that's the thing when you say things, you can't take back what you've said so you better be sure you can live with the consequences. I feel kinda shitty now but hell I said it - I'm not even that sorry I'm just sorry I was rude about it. But that's life I guess!

And then she messaged me saying she had no idea what I had said and that we're fine. Seriously???

Singapore Calling

I went to Singapore yesterday on this mad one day journey to book my housing for the 1 1/2 years that I'll be attending NTU. I went with my Dad and on Tiger Airways, which has been getting bad press lately but I've always really liked it. We arrived at 9 something in the morning (had to wake up at 5am which was BRUTAL).

From the Budget Terminal in Singapore we took a shuttle to the main Changi Terminal and then took the MRT to Boon Lay which is the closet MRT to the hostel I'll be at. The journey took 64 freakin' minutes. I know this because the boards tell you how far everything is - yaay for Singapore efficiency, nay for how damn far my uni is. We got to the hostel soon enough to book the place. It is basic and so different from what I'm used to that I think I kind of freaked out a bit. More on that later.

Then my Dad and I took the 199 SBS bus into campus which took 15 minutes to get to the North spine (so far!) which is where we stopped and had lunch. I was supposed to pay some fees to register, totally went to the wrong Office of Finance at the North Spine (N2.1) a really nice lady told us to go the Office of Finance in the Student Services Centre. I then opened a new bank account with OCBC which looked completely like not a bank and more like a CD store, totally odd but kinda fun. Then we went and paid the fees at the Student Services Centre which was also super far away. I mean look at this place:

Then it was back to the airport where we waited for like 4 hours before it was time to go because I was too tired to do anything else. We ate in Ananda Bhavan there which was such a godsend after eating McDonalds and Subway all day.

The whole day I felt kind of off. It was partly because I was so damn tired from waking up at 5am. But I know it was mostly because I'm having all these mixed, cold feet type feelings about going back to school to Nanyang Tech and also about leaving home. This trip to Singapore really made me realize that hey - it's happening! I have been living at home for about three years now. And its been glorious. I don't have to cook, clean, wash or pay bills on anything to do with the house. All I need to do is go to work, buy stuff I need for my money and go out with my friends when I want. In short, I have become complacent and lazy and I'm loving it.

Going to NTU means leaving the comfort of my parents and home, the comfort of Malaysia, the comfort of knowing where I'm going to be and what I'm going to be doing day in and day in and day out and its SCARY.

I didn't think that it was going to hit me this hard. I'm worried about the fact that I might not get along with my flatmate, that my back might not be able to handle the grocery shopping run and the commute to the campus, that I'm just not going to have anyone to talk to. Which is hard. Also I think at this point I'm so used to how comfortable my house is physically, as in my own room and attached bathroom is AWESOME and my new flat is not anywhere near my house's awesomeness, which is hard.

I've talked to the parents and they're being amazing, all if you don't want to live there its fine! Also, we'll buy you a new mattress and washing machine and whatever. Also, if you really don't think you can handle NTU, its ok you don't have to go!

Which is all well and fine. I know that usually its not worth putting myself through stress. But this time it is. A Masters means a job I want and a way to learn about a field I'm passionate about. I think that I have to learn how to channel these feelings. The feelings are inevitable but I have to be rational about the whole thing.

Do I want to go to NTU? Yes. Is it super daunting? Yes. Is it going to be super hard? Possibly. What are you going to do? Suck it up and get on with it.

Wish me luck!

What I really, really want.

Right now I want
























a yellow pencil skirt

to be content even if nothing exciting is happening


















THIS Chanel Glossimer Gloss

my parents to reach some kind of truce over the squabbling they've been doing our planned US trip
























a flared white skirt

to do more in a day and yet keep it all together

























crisp white shirts for my work wardrobe

to actually reach out and connect with new people and reconnect with existing friends





















to sleep 8 hours a night
















to buy my MAC brushes now!

to be good and reasonable even when the irrational demon inside me wants to be disagreeable for no reason other than the fact that I can.

That's what I want right now.