Singapore Calling

I went to Singapore yesterday on this mad one day journey to book my housing for the 1 1/2 years that I'll be attending NTU. I went with my Dad and on Tiger Airways, which has been getting bad press lately but I've always really liked it. We arrived at 9 something in the morning (had to wake up at 5am which was BRUTAL).

From the Budget Terminal in Singapore we took a shuttle to the main Changi Terminal and then took the MRT to Boon Lay which is the closet MRT to the hostel I'll be at. The journey took 64 freakin' minutes. I know this because the boards tell you how far everything is - yaay for Singapore efficiency, nay for how damn far my uni is. We got to the hostel soon enough to book the place. It is basic and so different from what I'm used to that I think I kind of freaked out a bit. More on that later.

Then my Dad and I took the 199 SBS bus into campus which took 15 minutes to get to the North spine (so far!) which is where we stopped and had lunch. I was supposed to pay some fees to register, totally went to the wrong Office of Finance at the North Spine (N2.1) a really nice lady told us to go the Office of Finance in the Student Services Centre. I then opened a new bank account with OCBC which looked completely like not a bank and more like a CD store, totally odd but kinda fun. Then we went and paid the fees at the Student Services Centre which was also super far away. I mean look at this place:

Then it was back to the airport where we waited for like 4 hours before it was time to go because I was too tired to do anything else. We ate in Ananda Bhavan there which was such a godsend after eating McDonalds and Subway all day.

The whole day I felt kind of off. It was partly because I was so damn tired from waking up at 5am. But I know it was mostly because I'm having all these mixed, cold feet type feelings about going back to school to Nanyang Tech and also about leaving home. This trip to Singapore really made me realize that hey - it's happening! I have been living at home for about three years now. And its been glorious. I don't have to cook, clean, wash or pay bills on anything to do with the house. All I need to do is go to work, buy stuff I need for my money and go out with my friends when I want. In short, I have become complacent and lazy and I'm loving it.

Going to NTU means leaving the comfort of my parents and home, the comfort of Malaysia, the comfort of knowing where I'm going to be and what I'm going to be doing day in and day in and day out and its SCARY.

I didn't think that it was going to hit me this hard. I'm worried about the fact that I might not get along with my flatmate, that my back might not be able to handle the grocery shopping run and the commute to the campus, that I'm just not going to have anyone to talk to. Which is hard. Also I think at this point I'm so used to how comfortable my house is physically, as in my own room and attached bathroom is AWESOME and my new flat is not anywhere near my house's awesomeness, which is hard.

I've talked to the parents and they're being amazing, all if you don't want to live there its fine! Also, we'll buy you a new mattress and washing machine and whatever. Also, if you really don't think you can handle NTU, its ok you don't have to go!

Which is all well and fine. I know that usually its not worth putting myself through stress. But this time it is. A Masters means a job I want and a way to learn about a field I'm passionate about. I think that I have to learn how to channel these feelings. The feelings are inevitable but I have to be rational about the whole thing.

Do I want to go to NTU? Yes. Is it super daunting? Yes. Is it going to be super hard? Possibly. What are you going to do? Suck it up and get on with it.

Wish me luck!

And... I'm done!

I finally finished my application to Nanyang Tech's Master of Mass Comm program, which is such a freakin' relief because I swear I'd been driving myself crazy because I just couldn't finish it. I just couldn't make myself do the essays in one go. I just had these fits where I would write a bit - come back, write something else that was mostly unrelated and then go away again. So it became this stop and start thing. Since the deadline was December 31st, I finished it this week and sent off the documents this morning. Just checked UPS, apparently it is "in transit" and has left Malaysia. So basically I now feel like this load has been lifted off me.

I've been planning on applying for my Masters for a while. Hopefully I'll get in. If I do I'll be in Singapore for the duration of the course which is basically 1 year from Aug 2011 onwards. Crazy. I can't imagine leaving my parents. I know I studied at McGill for 4 years without them but it just seems like I'm so much closer to them now. I feel kind of a panic descending on me whenever I think about leaving them.

My mom tells me that its important that I put some distance between us because I need to figure out how to live without them. The truth is, I'm the youngest child so realistically I know that we wont have forever together. But I just dont think I can even face the prospect of my life without them. I guess my mom figured that out and thinks I should get married or something. Which I totally agree with but I don't know to who and how and when and all that other stuff.

Also there's the whole country issue. Malaysia is Malaysia. And it seems like nothing is really changing here which is sad because Malaysia is such a wonderful country. I don't know whether my future will always be here and yet I can't imagine a life without my parents somewhere else. I know, it's about my parents again, but really they my whole world in a way. Even though I've been ALL over the place.

Anyway I better go, I'm getting a little tired and I want to read a couple of beauty blogs. Signing off!