EOTD: Brownnnn

So I recently bought ANOTHER Revlon Luxurious Eyeshadow (I now have 4) because I totally need a matte brown for this wedding I have to go to in 2 weeks. The reason being is because I need to look perfect because the main reason I'm going to this wedding is so I can be paraded around in front of aunties with eligible sons.

So anyway today for work I tried out the Revlon Luxurious Eyeshadow in Rich Sable (Matte) and patted Urban Decay's Smog in my inner crease and for the highlighter under my eyebrow I used Revlon Luxurious Eyeshadow in Sunlit Sparkle (Perle). I looked pretty bad in person, like someone punched me in the face but way up close in dim lighting and also on camera, it looks pretty good - so here's the picture.

I'm going to figure out something for the wedding that's less black eye. Also FYI, the Perle and Satin shadows have a much better formula than the Matte Shadows do. But still they're definitely value for money buys.

Equilibrium

It's funny but sometimes I think that when one person is happy, the other person with them is unhappy. Or at least less happy.

I find that when I'm extremely upset or confused or whatever people around me become compliant, nice, supportive and pretty much ok. When I become ok, the people around me become irate, melancholy, etc. etc.

I just came out of two weeks of feeling like crap and just so frustrated. I feel good now. I kind of know what direction I should be heading in. Just as I'm settling and become at peace with myself I find that the people around me are warring with themselves.

At work a colleague who I have never seen upset is so unhinged and at home the siblings are making a mess of themselves.

I don't know why this happens. Maybe it's like a universal law of keeping things balanced. So that even when one person is completely happy you have to be aware of other people's pain? I'm not sure. But it kind of sucks.

I'm 24!!!

I turned 24 on the 5th of August (AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it turned out to be one of the best days I've had in a long time.

Recently, as evidenced by my blog posts, I've been majorly angsty because I basically I HAVE NO IDEA what the hell I want to do in life. As in my career. So I talked to my old boss and the new boss and the parents and and and... it just got messy, in my head. Should I be a teacher? Should I do corporate comm? Should I write? Should I do HR? And everything is just as valid an option as the other.

But RJ, the boss put some things into perspective, about adapting my expectations. The new boss says that I am logical and that I need a degree of freedom in my work. And then there's me who knows I can't do 18 hour days and who knows that I need a certain amount of money to function happily in life. There's the fact that I like glamor and recognition but also need a somewhat balanced life. Also I must get past the fact that I have a certain ahem, problem, with authority.

Anyway after much soul searching and sleepless nights I've decided to apply to do a Masters in Mass Communications at Nanyang Technological University which would start next August. In the meantime I'm going to explore freelance writing and keep my eyes peeled for corp comm jobs in multinationals. And I'm going to chill, go with the flow and also try not be so in my head all the bloody time.

Wait - back to my birthday. I was feeling super sorry for myself the day before my birthday because I thought no one would give a shit and that I wouldn't get any presents or whatever. Anyway it turns out basically everyone remembered, thanks in part to Facebook, and I got like wish after wish after wish on Facebook and in person. One of the lecturers bought me my favorite Starbucks beverage, a Caramel Macchiato, and the parents came through which money (hee!) and a delicious dinner at Delicious. We had salad, pesto spaghettini with grilled chicken and banoffee pie and banana pudding with vanilla ice cream for dessert. It was amazing. Also Katie totally called while I was at dinner and Cilla remembered to email despite having to work for 13 and a half hours on the day.

So that entire day I just felt completely suffused with love. It was just lovely. I really just want to thank my family, friends, colleagues and God for making it a fantastic day. Here's to 24! May I be less confused and more thankful!

God. Help. Me.

Today I went to meet my old boss from my PR firm days. I needed to meet her because I need life guidance. Because right now my job? Not the one I want. The friend scene. Dry. The boyfriend scene? Bone dry. I can't figure out what I even want to do even if I had absolutely no restrictions in life. Can't even come up with a dream job - because I don't know what my dream is.

I've wanted to be a teacher for so long that when I finally realized that wasn't what I wanted to do I became lost. I tried... actually god knows what my first job was about, I tried PR and now I do advising and a whole lot of admin and it sucks. I mean I guess it doesn't inherently suck but it sucks because it's not what I'm supposed to do.

RJ, my ex boss, says that I have very high expectations and that I should probably lower them. I disagree. I think she's right that I have unrealistic expectations but I think that maybe I have to amend them instead of lowering them.

Before I can do that I need to, in her words, figure out what drives me and also what my goals are. My Dad also thinks that I need to note down what I cannot compromise on, ex. sleep.

I keep playing the hour long conversation I had with RJ in my head. I feel like she didn't completely get me or who I am. But at this point that doesn't even matter because I'm the one who has to know me and figure me out and decide what I want to do. I need to put down on paper what I'm thinking. Do a SWOT comparison for my life. And just figure shit out. But also stop overanalyzing and go with the flow. Right.

RJ said that I could be one of those people who just goes from job to job. But I know that I can't do that. I also know that I can't go back to hardcore PR. Where the fuck does that leave me?

Before I went to see her I was so convinced that I was going to go to NUS, do my MBA, join some bank and do internal corporate comm. And now I think I could still do all those things but they're just shots in the dark because I have no idea what I want or why I want it.

Oh god. Help me.

Pros and Cons

Having spent a little more than a week in Alabama and consequently, the United States has made the realize that I love and kinda DON'T love certain things about this place.

What I Love:
1. Target
2. The crazy cheap sales
3. Sephora
4. How polite people who work in stores/restaurants are
5. The lack of humidity
6. Amazon.com
7. How you can buy anything you can dream of
8. Huge ass grocery stores
9. How the people here make me look tiny

What I DON'T Love:
1. Big, big servings in restaurants
2. Big, big cars
3. Huge ass grocery stores :)
4. Huge ass everything
5. How fake TV Shows and Personalities are here
6. Tabloids - they're gross

I guess it looks like there are more good things than bad things so... I'm still glad to be here!